No Right to Be Unhappy
by LoveableKat
Summary: Cora sees Robert and Jane kiss in the library. Told from different perspectives. Hints of Mary/Matthew and Sybil/Tom as well.
1. Robert I

Disclaimer: Of course none of these characters are mine. They belong to Julian Fellowes and probably at the beginning of the story taken from Episode 8 of season 2.

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"It would make me very happy."

"If I thought that then I would take it gladly. Will you be happy? Really?"

"I have no right to be unhappy, which is almost the same."

"Almost. Not quite. Can I kiss you before I go?"

He cannot remember ever having felt so conflicted. He told his wife that they were all right only hours ago. And he told her that she didn't have to apologize. He shouldn't let Jane kiss him but he wants to so much, so he gives in. The kiss feels bittersweet, like something he fondly remembers from his past but knows he will never have again. It is that feeling that almost drives him to tears when he sees Jane leave the room. He turns around to sit down at his desk again and sees his wife at the other end of the library. The look on her face tells him that he hasn't broken her heart in two; he has shattered it into a million pieces.

"No right to be unhappy", she says. She doesn't sound angry and she isn't crying. She says it as if her world has come crashing down around her and she is too shocked and sad to react to her emotions. He watches her turn around and leave the room. "Cora", he whispers but she doesn't hear him or maybe she only pretends that she hasn't heard him. He follows her. "Cora", he says and sees her walking up the stairs. "Cora", he shouts but she doesn't turn around and he wonders if she will ever look at him again. He follows her, but she shuts the door to their room right behind her and he hears the lock click. He can hear the lock on the other door click as well. He knocks on her door and says her name. There is no reaction, so he starts to bang on the door and shouts her name but she doesn't react to that either. He knows that he is drawing attention to himself but he doesn't care. He needs to talk to her; he needs to explain to her why he did what he did. Eventually he gives up.

He isn't surprised when she doesn't come down for dinner, she is still sick after all. He decides to try talking to her again afterwards. He knocks on the door between his room and theirs and when she doesn't say anything he turns the doorknob and is surprised to feel the door open. "Cora?" he asks. She is sitting on their bed, staring into space. She turns to look at him when he calls her again. Her face carries a look of deep disappointment and hurt. Her eyes are bloodshot and she looks feverish again. Her mouth is half open, her eyes are empty and although they are focused on him, he isn't sure whether Cora actually sees him, or if she does see him whether she recognizes him. It dawns on him that she might recognize the Earl of Grantham but not her husband. He walks over to their bed, sits down on his side and touches her forehead without thinking about it. She is burning up. "Cora, you have to lie down. Your fever is back. You have to rest." She just keeps staring at him and because he doesn't know what else to do, he helps her lie down. "I'll telephone Dr. Clarkson.". "Don't. It's not the flu. I know. It's from crying." Her voice is still expressionless, as if she didn't know what to feel. "Cora I'm", in that moment she takes hold of him so tightly that he has trouble breathing. He tries to ease her grasp around him but that only makes her hold on to him even tighter. And she starts to cry. He doesn't know what to say, he thinks that she probably wouldn't hear him anyway, so he puts his arm around her and strokes her hair. He briefly wonders whether he isn't being too forward, considering what he has done, considering what she has seen him do, but she keeps holding onto him and although she hasn't stopped crying all together, she has at least calmed down a little. He doesn't know whether this goes on for thirty minutes or three hours, but eventually he realizes that she has cried herself to sleep. He looks at the clock next to her side of the bed and realizes that it has been three hours. He is still wearing his dinner jacket and he wants to get up to get changed and he isn't sure whether he'll come back. But Cora makes that decision for him, because the moment he moves to get up she says "no" and he is sure that although she is still asleep, she doesn't want him to leave. So he stays. He is incredibly uncomfortable but an uncomfortable night is nothing compared to what he has put her through. Eventually he falls asleep himself.

He wakes a while later when he feels her stirring beside her. "Robert?" she asks and her unique way of pronouncing his name sends a shiver of love and longing down his spine. "You can go to your room if you want to". "Would you like me to?" "No. But get changed at least. You must be very uncomfortable." "All right. Would you really like me to come back?" "Yes." While he's getting changed he wonders if he shouldn't stay in his room despite Cora's words, but he thinks that would make him an even worse husband then he already is. He goes back into their room and is a little apprehensive about joining his wife in their bed, but since that is the only thing there is to do, he does it. Cora moves closer to him immediately and puts her head on his shoulders. He puts his arm around her reflexively as he has done a million times. "We need to talk", he says. "Yes", she replies, "but not tonight. We can talk tomorrow and I am willing to turn a blind eye." "Turn a blind eye to what?" "Tomorrow, darling. Let me have this last night." This scares him more than anything. He wants to talk to her now, tell her that there is nothing to turn a blind eye to, tell her that he has never regretted anything nearly as much as he regrets kissing Jane, but she has fallen back to sleep.


	2. Robert II

When he wakes up the next morning she has already left their bed and is nowhere to be seen. He is grasped by a fear of her having left him without saying anything, so he rings for his valet and gets dressed for breakfast. He hopes against hope that she is at the breakfast table, but only Mary is still there. "Have you seen your mother?" he asks without greeting her. "Yes. She has already finished breakfast. She went to the library and asked me to tell you to come get her for a walk when you had finished yourself. But she doesn't want you to rush. She said you had something of a rough night." "Yes", he says and opens his paper. He doesn't want to burden his daughter with this. She has enough on her plate. He has a feeling that Mary wants to say something but although she stays at the breakfast table, she keeps silent. When he's finished he gets up and says "I'll go to your mother then", and starts to leave. He feels Mary grab his wrist and he turns around. "I know things haven't going well between you and Mama lately", she says. "But whatever it is, make it better, please. Don't let her go, Papa. I have had to let Matthew go twice and it hurts. Don't do that to Mama or yourself. I know she loves you and I know you love her too. Please, Papa, make it better." He looks into her eyes and sees that they are full of tears. He wonders what she is going through and whether he should talk to Matthew. "Please", she says again. "I'll try, I promise."

"Cora?" he asks when he tentatively opens the library door. "Yes," she says. "Let's go for a walk. We can talk, don't worry." He wonders about the 'don't worry' part but lets it go. They leave the house and she holds on to his arm as she has habitually done for 30 years. She used to hold on to him like that before they ever realized they were in love, or maybe it was only after she had realized that she loved him but he hadn't realized that he loved her back yet. He can't remember. "Robert, I am sorry." He opens his mouth to say something but she shakes her head and says "No, let me talk. I have thought about this and I will only be able to say this once. I am sorry that I have made your life somewhat miserable. I always thought I made you happy but now I know that that is not true. You said to Jane that you had no right to be unhappy. But that is not true. You have a right to be happy. And if Jane is what or who will finally make you happy after thirty years of having no right to be unhappy, then so be it. I love you too much to force you to play the dutiful husband. I'll go to London, if you want me to, or I'll stay here and turn a blind eye. I am too tired to fight. The flu almost killed me and I have worked far too much. I don't have the energy to fight over this with you. I am thankful that you have kept up an act for me for this long, even and especially if it was for the whole of our marriage. Although I wish that it wasn't, that maybe it was only over the course of the last few years. Then at least" "Stop Cora. Stop it right now, please" he says because it pains him to listen to her, pains him to see what she is putting herself through. He promised Mary to make it better and he will do everything to keep this promise. "It was never an act; never. Not over the course of the last few years and certainly not for the whole of our .." He forgets what he was about to say when he looks at her. She is pale and shivering and swaying. "You have to go back to bed", he says. He is glad they haven't walked far yet because he has to half drag her to the house. He isn't sure she could have walked much further. Edith is in the entrance hall and without saying anything she helps him bring Cora upstairs. "I'll ring for O'Brien", she says to him. "You stay with Mama." He watches her leave the room. When O'Brien arrives he tells Cora that he'll be back and leaves the room himself. He doesn't go anywhere; he waits in his dressing room because he is so worried about his wife. He is afraid that the flu is back or that Cora has an even worse disease. It is so unlike her not to fight over this. He was sure she'd yell at him and give him a piece of her mind as he would have deserved. He had hoped that she wouldn't ask him to leave but even that would not have surprised him. Cora's uncharacteristic reaction worries him very much. When he hears O'Brien leave he walks back into his and his wife's room and sees that she is already asleep. He feels her forehead but she doesn't seem feverish. He gives her a fleeting kiss and goes down to the library. He wonders if he should sleep himself but he knows that he'd be staring at the ceiling and worry, so he dismisses that thought. He thinks about Cora's words to him, thinks about how much pain she was or probably is in because she thinks that he might never have loved her. Maybe that is why she reacted the way she did. He knows that he became the center of her world and the rock her life was built on the moment he told her that he loved her. If she now believed that he never really loved her after all it would mean that the last thirty years of her life were built on a lie. It doesn't surprise him anymore that she feels defeated. But it wasn't a lie and he has to tell her that. His world is built on the love between them just as much as hers. He has to tell her, he has to make the pain in her eyes go away. He thinks about the pain in his eldest daughters eyes when she told him how much it hurts that she has had to let Matthew go. He decides to talk some sense into the boy. Not today or tomorrow, Matthew has the right and the need to mourn Lavinia, but maybe in a month or so he will give him a talking to. He wonders why love has to be so difficult sometimes. His thoughts drift off to Sybil who is about to leave for Ireland to be with the man she loves. He decides to look for her and finds her in her room, packing.


	3. Robert III

"Papa, have you come to scold me?" Sybil asks. "No", he says. "The days when a scolding from your Papa was enough to make you change your mind have long since passed. No. I have come to make my peace with you and to give you my blessing. I won't forbid Mary and Edith to come to your wedding and if you mother is willing, we'll come too. I'll even walk you down the aisle if you want me to." The look on his daughters face is priceless. She hugs him and starts to sob. "Of course I want you to, of course. Papa, thank you." "There will be money as well. You are my daughter, I love you, as hard as it is for me to say it, and I don't want you to have to live off yours and Tom's earnings. I know it would be enough for you, but life will be easier if you've got a little more money. Please accept it. It is not supposed to be charity. I give it to you because I want you to be happy." His daughter still hasn't let go of him. "I love you Papa. Thank you. Thank you." "Sybil, please invite Tom to dinner. Not today, your mother doesn't feel well, but maybe tomorrow. Your granny won't be here, so he won't need tails, but he'll need a dinner jacket. Take him to Ripon today or tomorrow and get him one. I'll pay if you want me to. I know he won't be pleased by being put into upper class clothes but maybe you can make him see sense. He is rather intelligent I gather, so you have a good chance I think." "Papa, you have no idea what this means to me." "I want you to be happy. That is all that matters." He makes to leave, but in a movement that is almost identical to Mary's, his youngest daughter grabs his wrist. "Papa, I know I am still young. But if you want to or need to talk about your troubles with Mama, I'll listen. And I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. Not Mary or Edith or Tom. I promise. I may not be able to give advice, I don't know, but I know that it sometimes helps when someone else listens." "Sybil, I can't." "Papa, I know that you've kissed the maid. Don't worry, I haven't told anyone. It would break Mary's already broken heart into even more pieces, I wouldn't trust Edith with something like that and it is none of Tom's business." "What must you think of me?" "I think that you have been through a lot of pain. I can see how miserable and sorry you are. The world is changing and you do not adapt well to change. Mama does that a lot better than you do. And so you feel as if you have drifted apart. But you haven't really, because she still loves you and her world revolves around you, regardless of whether or not you are good at adapting to change. And you still love her too. I can see that every time you look at her." "Can you?" "Yes. It's always been like that. It's what we've grown up with. Mama looks at you the same way. For a long time I thought that all married couples were like that but then I realized that that wasn't true. It makes what you have even more precious and worth saving." "Sybil, how did you become such a wonderful young woman?" "I am your daughter." "You are your mother's daughter." "That too. Talk to Mama. Tell her how much you love her. And if you've already done that tell her again. Until she believes you." "I will." "Good. I was about to pack my under garments. You might not want to watch me do that." "No. I'll see you at dinner." "Yes."

He walks to his wife's room but she is still asleep. He puts the blanket back over her and thinks about going back to the library but then he realizes how tired he is, so he takes off his shoes and lies down next to her. He feels her take his hand and is asleep within minutes. He wakes up when he feels gently shaken. "Robert?" It is unmistakably his wife who is calling him. "What?" he asks. "Do you want to go down for dinner? Because if you do you have to get changed now. But you can stay in bed if you want to." He looks at her and he can see that she has changed already. "Did O'Brien dress you and do your hair while was asleep in the same room?" "No. I took my clothes to Mary's room. O'Brien did not see you sleep. I didn't have the heart to wake you. You looked so peaceful." "Thank you. Cora, we need to" "talk some more. I know. But first things first. Would you like to come down for dinner?" "Yes. I'll get changed." "All right. I'll go downstairs and try to keep the peace between our daughters." "Have they been fighting?" "When are they not fighting? It's about Tom now. Apparently Mary has switched sides and supports Sybil now. And Edith doesn't. Although I wonder if she only doesn't to have a reason to fight her sisters." "I don't know. Maybe."

Dinner starts out pleasantly enough. Both Mary and Sybil involve him and Cora in their conversation and they are never straying close to dangerous grounds. He wonders if his eldest and youngest daughter agreed to this beforehand. When he thinks about the conversations he has had with both of them that day he is almost sure that they have talked about their parents quite a lot. Edith doesn't say anything at all, maybe she feels left out of her sisters' plans or maybe she just doesn't agree with them. "Oh Papa, Tom's coming to dinner tomorrow. And we got him a dinner jacket and everything else he needs. Mary even talked him into getting a set of tails, although I am afraid that you will have to pay for them." "I told you I would. Mary, how did you get him to get tails?" "I told him that I was sure that Sybil would find him very dashing in them. I also told him he'd have to get a morning coat for the wedding. I haven't convinced him yet but I'll do my best. He has to get married in a morning coat now that we are all going to the wedding." "We are?" He can feel Cora's eyes pierce through him and sees a look of hope on her face. "If you want to, yes." "Of course I do. When did you change your mind about it?" "After we came back from our walk. Sybil and I had a talk. I gave her my blessing and told her to invite Tom for dinner tomorrow. Apparently he has accepted the invitation." He sees Sybil and Mary smile at this and notices how much they look like their mother when they do. For the rest of the evening he listens to his daughters and wife talk about the wedding, something that seems to make Cora happy.

When they go upstairs his wife tells him that she wants to speak to Sybil for a moment, so he goes into his dressing room, calls for his valet, gets changed, goes into his wife's room and finds her standing there, still dressed, looking at him expectantly. "Did you really tell Sybil you'd walk her down the aisle?" "Yes" he says and watches Cora moving closer to him. "She's our baby girl. I want to give her away. And it has made her happy, I think." "It has made her very happy", Cora says and they are standing so close now that they are almost touching. He feels the urge to kiss her but he has vowed to himself that he needs to explain himself to Cora and beg for her forgiveness before they do anything else. "It has made me very happy too", she says and moves her head up. He feels her kiss him, feels how she puts her arms around him. He wants to stop her, he needs to keep his thoughts together, but as Cora keeps on kissing him he gives in and when he does, he feels as if his world has stopped spinning one way for a moment and started to spin the other way the next. He throws all coherent thoughts to the wind and follows his instincts. He lets Cora take the lead and marvels at how unreserved she is with him and how right all of this feels. She is his world and he wants and needs her more than anything and she shows him the she feels the same.

"I love you", is the first thing he says to her, still out of breath and still without any coherent thoughts in his head. "I love you too", she says as lies down next to him. He can feel her look at him and turns his head. He knows there is a question she wants to ask but doesn't know how to put into words. "Just ask", he says to her. "Is it ever like this with Jane?" His ability to think still hasn't gone back to normal, so he unceremoniously asks "What is like what with Jane?"


	4. Cora I

"Sybil, how did you make your father change his mind?" She has to know why her husband suddenly wants them to go the wedding. She doesn't know why, but she has a fleeting feeling that it might change things between them.

"I didn't make him change his mind. He changed it all by himself. He even offered some money and he wants to walk me down the aisle." "He said he'd walk you down the aisle?" She cannot believe it and wonders whether her daughter is making this up. "Yes. He said he would do it if I wanted him to. And of course I want him to. That means more to me than any amount of money he is willing to give to us." "I am glad about that. Good night, Sybil". She sees her youngest daughter opening her mouth and looking at her unsurely. "Say it." Sybil was never one for lying, maybe she is about to tell her now that Robert did not change his mind all by himself after all. "Mama, whatever, what Papa has done, he is really sorry about it. He was in pain; he didn't think straight, I don't think he's been able to think straight for some time because of the war and the changes and all of us growing up and me marrying the chauffeur and you running the convalescent home all by yourself and apparently none of us needing his help anymore. I know he's hurt you, broken your trust and heart, but he loves you." "I don't think so", she says because that is what she believes, although she wonders how her youngest daughter seems to know all this. "Good night Sybil." "Good night Mama. I love you. And so does Papa." She wants to believe her daughter very much because that would mean that the last thirty years of her life have not been a lie, but she can't and she is rather apprehensive when she waits for her husband in their room. It is still their room to her because she is sure that he did not go in there with Jane. Wherever else he might have been with her, certainly not in this room. When he opens the door and comes in in his dressing gown, his hair a little mussed as it always is after he has gotten changed at night, it costs her all that she has got not to run to him and beg him not to leave her.

"Did you really tell Sybil you'd walk her down the aisle?" She has to know if this is true, has to know if her daughter made that up because she wants to save her parents' marriage. His answer almost sweeps her off her feet. He calls Sybil 'our baby girl' and that's what she is. She is theirs. Not his or hers, just theirs. As are Mary and Edith. Mary and Edith who can hardly stand one another but didn't fight during dinner that night or even before dinner. She didn't have to keep the peace between her daughters. They kept it themselves. Mary, Edith and Sybil who obviously know that something is not right between their parents, who seem to have decided on a truce to not upset them any further. Those three women are their daughters and they've made them out of love, or so she believed. She tells her husband that he has made their baby girl very happy and that he has made her happy in the process. She has moved closer to him without realizing what she was doing and looks at him and he looks back at her and she knows the look on his face, the look that says 'I want to kiss you'. Because his actions don't match what she sees in his eyes, she just starts to kiss him and wraps her arms around him. She knows that this is probably a mistake, makes everything so much harder. She knows that he will push her away eventually and that the further she takes him the more it will hurt her. But if this is the last time that she has got her husband like this and she is almost of sure of it because she can't believe Sybil's words, then she wants to make the most of it, regardless of how painful it might become. He gives in to her eventually and she realizes that he wants her to take the lead. She wonders if this is because he doesn't want to make her do something she might not want to do but she doesn't really care. She guides him over to their bed and doesn't ask or wait for permission to do anything, not because that is something that they usually do, they sometimes do and sometimes don't, but because she is afraid that he will not give his permission, that he will refuse her if she gives him the chance to do so and now that she's taken him, taken them, so far, she wants to go on with all her heart, mind, body, and soul. She knows that he has stopped thinking, has given himself over to her completely and it almost makes her cry, but she stops herself because that would ruin the last time she can make love to him, even if he doesn't love her back. She wants to show him that she wants and needs him more than anything and briefly hopes that he feels the same about her but can't finish the thought because she has now as well reached a point at which thinking is just not among her abilities anymore.

When the moment comes that she knows that she has to move away from him, that this is over once and for all, she almost breaks down in tears. "I love you", she hears him say and when she looks into his eyes she knows that these words are true because they were spoken unconsciously. "I love you too", she says as she lies down next to him. She needs to ask him, needs to know now whether it is ever like this with Jane, whether he gives himself over to Jane as he has just done to her or if that is something that only they have. Apparently he knows there is a question she wants to ask but doesn't know how to put into words because he says "Just ask" to her. "Is it ever like this with Jane?" He doesn't seem to have any idea what she is talking about and he unceremoniously asks "What is like what with Jane?" "This", she says and motions at them. "I don't know", he says and this scares her. If he doesn't know it must mean that it is similar with her. "I have never done this with her. And I never will. I never wanted to either. I have only ever kissed Jane. And that was nothing compared to kissing you." He turns around to fully face her and takes her hand in his. It makes her shiver. "Cora, there is nothing I regret more in my life than kissing a woman that wasn't you. I was desperate for affection. I was too proud to tell you, to ask you for a little of your time, so I kissed someone else. I didn't plan it. It happened out of the blue. Twice. The third time you saw. It was initiated by her. Although that's not an excuse of course. I missed you so terribly much, I just couldn't deal with it and Jane seemed so much in need of affection as well. I couldn't control it although I should have been able to. She never really meant anything to me." "So you don't love her." It is more of a statement than a question because she believes every single word her husband has said. His words are putting her world to rights again. He wouldn't lie to her, not after what they have just done. "No I don't love her. I love you. Kissing her was a very poor substitute. And darling, before you have to ask. I know I said I had no right to be unhappy. And that is true and it is how I've felt the last few months. But not because I didn't love you anymore. Because of all those reasons that I've just mentioned. I had the feeling that I have a wife I love very much who I had lost regardless. Because of my own unwillingness to adapt to change." His speech brings tears to her eyes because she knows what it has cost him to speak about his feelings like that and because she knows that he has said the truth. And she knows that he deserves for her to do the same. "Robert, thank you for telling me that. I know it must have been hard for you and I believe what you said. But you did kiss another woman." The look in his eyes show such an amount of deep desperation and regret that she wishes she could take back that last sentence. "Yes", he says "and I have no idea how to make up for that. But I do beg for your forgiveness."


	5. Cora II

She wonders what she should say. She imagines not forgiving him, not right now anyway. Maybe after they have returned from Ireland. Or maybe on the way there. It wouldn't do to ruin Sybil's wedding if forgiveness is in sight anyway. "Robert, I am deeply disappointed because I didn't think you would ever do something like that to me. But then I never thought that I would neglect you the way I have either. The war has both dealt us a hand of cards we couldn't play with very well." She can't fathom why but he chuckles at this and his chuckle finally makes up her mind. "But we've played our cards and we both lost. To whom I have no idea. Let's leave that card table and start over. Or go back to where we were before. Let's be done with neglect and kissing other people." "You haven't neglected me tonight." "No. And you haven't kissed anyone besides me today. I hope." "No, I haven't" he says with a twinkle in his eyes. This makes her smile. "You said you love me and I believe you. And I love you. More than anything in the world. And that is all that matters." "So you've forgiven me." "Yes. Let's make each other happy again." His face lights up, his eyes are full of love and she begins to kiss him and he kisses her back. It's a kiss not borne out of desire but out of the deepest love and she thinks that it is one of the sweetest kisses they have ever shared.

"Why did you chuckle when I said that we were both dealt a hand of cards we couldn't play with really well?"

"Because it is metaphorical and American. And I've missed that."

"You've missed me being American."

"Yes, of course. It is one of your defining qualities. And it is a rather charming one."

"You are the only person who thinks that."

"Maybe. But you've passed on many of your American qualities to our daughters, even if Mary would never admit to that."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she sometimes wears her heart on her sleeve, even if she pretends not to. And she does that in pivotal moments."

"I don't understand."

"She told me this morning that she knew that there was something wrong between us. And she begged me to not let you go. She told me that she has had to let Matthew go twice and that that hurt more than anything."

"Poor Mary."

"Yes. I've decided to talk to Matthew. Not now, so shortly after Lavinia's death. But I will talk to him. I'll tell him she still loves him and I'll confront him with the fact that I think that he loves her too."

"We both think that."

"Good. That makes my argument stronger."

She realizes that she has put her head onto her husband's shoulder and that he has put her arm around her while they were talking. This makes her happier than anything because this is the way they used to talk before they drifted apart.

"I've missed this. Talking to you like this", she says and motions to them with her hand. "Me too." She realizes that he has started to play with her hair absentmindedly, something he hasn't done in months and it is something she has missed as well and it feels like home to her. "Do you think we'll go back to how we were before?" he asks her. "We've already gone back I think." She feels him squeeze her and she turns her head towards him the moment he turns his towards her. They kiss fleetingly in a motion they've gone through a million times.

"What are we going to give Sybil and Tom for the wedding?"

"Robert, as a first step I think we should pay for it."

"I thought that was obvious."

"Jewelry for Sybil. Something that suits her and reminds her of home. For Tom, I don't know, but we'll think of something. A morning coat."

"I've already paid for his tails so I suppose I might as well pay for his morning coat."

"I was making a joke. I thought you told Sybil that you'd pay anyway."

"Yes, I did. I think it's best."

"Do you think your mother will come to Ireland with us?"

"I don't know. I'll ask her. She used to travel a lot, which might be an incentive for her. And she loves Sybil. That might be another incentive."

"Where will we stay?"

"I suppose in a hotel. That might even be a nice change."

"Yes. It might even be romantic. Like our honeymoon. Although I'm not sure how romantic that was." She laughs while she says this and she hears him laugh too.

"Cora, I love you."

"We should go to sleep."

"Excuse me? I declare my love for you and you want to sleep? You can be rather cruel."

"It's my Americaness that you love so much. And I'd think about apologizing if you weren't laughing yourself silly right now. But I'm serious. We need to sleep. You have a meeting with Jarvis in the morning and I have one with Isobel."

"I wonder who has drawn the worse lot."

"Me. Because meeting Isobel here in the morning means that I will have to get up for breakfast. She said she might be a bit early. Which means that she'll be here at 8:30 instead of at 10. I at least have to be dressed by then."

"It might make our girls happy if we are both at the breakfast table tomorrow morning."

"I think it will. Good night darling."

"Good night love."

* * *

AN: I know that the tone of this chapter changes quite dramatically and that some of you may not like that I let Cora forgive Robert so easily. But I think it fits their relationship and if you've been happily married for thirty years you are probably able to forgive three kisses if they are well explained and the "kisser" gives a heartfelt apology. When I wrote the first draft of this story, I ended it at "one of the sweetest kisses they have shared", but then I added the conversation about other subjects to show that they really have gone back to normal. I have no idea whether this was a good idea, but I hope so.

There will be one more chapter and then this story will be at its end.


	6. Jane

Three months later

"I am sorry to disturb you, your Lordship, but with the water pipe broken upstairs we don't have enough rooms for all the guests."

"How many rooms are we short?"

"Just one, your Lordship."

"One room should not be too much of a problem. Just put Lord and Lady Grantham in the same room. They won't mind. If we don't tell them that they didn't get separate rooms they might not even notice."

It breaks her heart to listen to this and she wonders if she should tell her employer that Lord and Lady Grantham will most likely not be happy to have been put into the same room. But she decides that it is not her place to say something. She decides to apologize to Lord Grantham regardless. It offers her a reason to talk to him. She knows she has no right to it and that it is very unlikely that he will kiss her again but she has to try. "I have no right to be unhappy." Those words must have meant that he would have been happy with her. She isn't angry with him, she could never have expected an earl to leave his wife for a maid but it hurt nevertheless.

She watches from upstairs when the guests arrive and she can see Lord and Lady Grantham among them. She doesn't think that they look too happy but they might just be tired and she doesn't know what she is hoping for. She's hiding in the shadows so she won't be seen but she imagines that he will walk past her and sweep her up in his arms. She has to talk to him.

She goes to the guest wing to see if one of them will complain about the sleeping arrangements and she sees them being ushered into the same room but as neither one of them leaves the room immediately, she supposes that they have decided to keep up the act. "No right to be unhappy." She has to talk to him, has to know if he misses her as much as she misses him.

She waits in a hidden corner of the entrance hall after dinner and hopes that he will leave the drawing room by himself. Every time the door opens her heart skips a beat but he is never the one to come out. Eventually she sees Lady Grantham leaving the drawing room and she has all but made up her mind to go inside to at least let him know that she is there when he finally comes into the entrance hall himself. "Your Lordship", she says as she leaves her corner and it costs her quite a lot not to call him 'Robert'. She has never actually called him that, but in her mind he is 'Robert' to her. "Jane", he says and looks at her. He looks startled and confused and if she is honest with herself, he looks as if he wants to be anywhere but here in the entrance hall with her. "You've found a new position then. Good. How's your son?" This last question makes her happy and gives her hope. "He is doing very well, thank you." "Good. Tell him to keep working hard." "Your Lordship, I am sorry about the situation with the rooms. But I didn't want to tell them that you and Lady Grantham" "Speaking of my wife", he interrupts her; "you haven't seen her, have you?" She considers lying for a brief second but that is not her so she tells him the truth. "She went outside into the garden. Over there." "Thank you, Jane. And good luck", he says to her and walks into the direction she has just pointed out to him. She follows him because she needs to know what he wants from his wife. She hopes against hope that they have had a fight and that he wants to give her a piece of his mind. But her hope falters when she hears him call out his wife's name. "Cora", he says and there is no denying it. He is most certainly not mad at his wife. She can see Lady Grantham turning around and the smile she gives her husband is stunning. It speaks of love and happiness and it drives her, the maid, to tears. Still, she can't help but eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Why are you out here?"

"I wanted some fresh air."

"That's not true. You left because that old hag wouldn't stop going on about Tom."

"Yes. It bothered me."

"It bothered me too. Aren't you cold?"

"It's June"

"That's not the answer to my question."

"I'm sure you've come out here to warm me."

She hears the teasing and yet loving tone in their conversation and she sees him opening his arms for his wife who steps into them and wraps her arms around his waist, beneath his coat so that she won't be cold. He wraps his arms around her; they look at each other, kiss fleetingly and he tucks his wife's head under his chin. All this is one fluent motion, practiced for more than three decades by two people who are obviously deeply in love with each other.

"How did your talk with Matthew go?"

"I don't really know. He more or less admitted that he is still in love with Mary, but he said he couldn't act on it because of Lavinia."

"Lavinia is dead."

"Cora, you are stating the obvious. And I said that to him too. He said there were aspects I wouldn't understand. I asked him to try me but he said that I had a picture-perfect marriage and that I just couldn't understand him."

"Picture-perfect? Is that what he said?"

"Yes. I told him we've had our share of troubles but he seems to think that none of our troubles were as grave as whatever he is going through."

"Robert, they can't go on like that. I am sure that Mary would sack Carlisle if Matthew proposed."

"Yes. I am working on it my dear, don't worry."

They kiss again, an affirmation of the fact that he will talk to Matthew again and that his wife believes that he will be successful.

"Jane's here." She thinks her heart is going to crack her ribs.

"Oh. How do you know? Have you met her?"

"Yes."

"What did she say?"

"That her son was doing well. And that you were out here. I think she also wanted to say something about the room situation but I didn't let her. I didn't want to have to explain to her that we certainly don't mind sharing a room."

"Do you think she still"

"Cora, I don't know. I hope not. Does it bother you that she is here? Would you like to leave early?"

"No, it doesn't bother me. Should I meet her it might be awkward for a moment but I won't have to say anything beyond 'how are you'. So I'll be fine. And she doesn't know that you've told me. Don't worry, darling."

They kiss once more. She wishes she hadn't listened. Apparently the Earl of Grantham, her Robert, has told his wife everything there was to tell, even if it wasn't much and his wife seems to have forgiven him completely without any reservations. Why else would she call him 'darling' and kiss him when they are talking about him kissing another woman? It makes her sick with pain.

"Should we go back inside?"

"Yes."

They move apart and to her that is a relief, but as soon as they have both turned towards the door they reach for each other's hands. She flees, all the way back to the servants' hall without looking back because she cannot deal with seeing Lord and Lady Grantham walking back inside, holding hands. She has to accept it. He loves his wife, his wife loves him and they are truly happy.

* * *

AN: This is the end to this story. Thank you all for reading and reviewing!

I am still working on _Kiss Me_, that will go on for several more chapters (probably up to around 50) and I'll start publishing a different story tomorrow as well. Thanks again for all your support!


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